- Birthdays: cake
- New Year’s: champagne
- Terminal cancer diagnosis: banana bread?!!
OK, I know this sounds kind of rude and ungrateful. But hold off on the banana bread. Sick people rarely have a sweet tooth and the caregiver rarely can eat all those banana breads.
The week Bette got home from Mass General Hospital, people kept stopping by the house and leaving banana bread. We must have had nine loaves by the end of the week, and three big plates of brownies. It seemed like the banana bread was reproducing. Every morning there would be more. I came down to the kitchen, made coffee, and pondered, “What should I do with the banana bread?”
We started freezing it. But then there was no room in the freezer for real food.
Clearly stressed about the mushrooming BB’s and feeling guilty about throwing kind intentions into the trash, I asked one of my mother’s friends, “Why are people giving us so much banana bread?”
“It’s so that you have something on hand to give people when people visit,” she explained.
“But Bette is too sick for visitors. I’m the only one here.”
“Oh.”
When people die, there are a lot of people around who need to be fed. When people are dying at home and not wanting any visitors, there’s not much need for banana bread.
A better option would be to ask the caregiver what food, from what local stores would be appreciated. Really, it’s OK to ask. When I’m with my mother these days the last thing I want to do is to have to grocery shop and cook. But I need to make sure she eats, and I’m always hungry.
To be able to have the squash and steak tips from Roche Brothers is heaven. Better yet, put us on a steady meal delivery from Chef Ralph’s Mad Platter. And even better, instead of saying, “Let me know how I can help,” offer to organize friends around pitching in for weekly meals from a local place like the Mad Platter is for us.
The ill person needs to eat to keep some strength and be able to tolerate medications; the caregiver needs to eat to stay healthy to be able to care.
Just not banana bread. 
Tags: Food