I’ve always hated the war metaphor that’s used in business and marketing, my profession.
What’s the company’s mission and target. Seize the opportunity. Capture market share. Hit the ground running. Especially that last one. It makes me think of a fire alarm ringing in an office and all of sudden everyone jumps out of their cubes, falls to the floor, and starts running, crouched down low like they’re avoiding an ambush.
But I digress.
Because signing up to be a caregiver for someone with a terminal illness deserves the war metaphor. This is life or death. The stakes are high. The enemy - that sneaky, unpredictable disease – is wily, hiding in the overgrowth, launching surprise attacks all the time.
And we caregivers, well we’re sort of like Private Judy Benjamin, that Goldie Hawn character in that old 1980 movie. Judy Benjamin is dingbat spoiled princess who, as she admits, “is 29 years-old and trained to do nothing.”
We caregivers are Private Benjamins. We sign up thinking that we can do this. How really hard could it be? And like Private Benjamin, we know we’re in trouble on the first day when basic training starts and we have to carry equipment, take orders from people we don’t know or like, follow new rules, and wrestle with sleepless nights and days of looking like hell because there’s just no time to take care of ourselves.
And, of course, there’s latrine duty, and KP and all the other nasty assignments that just have to get done.
And there’s really no escape. You’re on duty.
Yet, unlike the army where you know when your term of duty is up, there is no schedule for caregivers. Will the person you love live for two years, two months, two weeks?
You ask the doctor and the answer is, “No one really knows for sure.”
So you go back to the front-lines. Hoping that you’ll at least get granted a weekend furlough from another family member or friend who can take over. And then you worry that maybe you should stay on duty because you’re getting a good sense of those guerrilla warfare types hiding in the bush. You know the signs and how to protect the sick person better than any solider coming on duty.
Should you stay or should you leave.
There’s no tough drill sargeant to tell you what to do.
Take the weekend pass. Get off the front lines. Leave the base. The war will likely still be raging on Monday.
The Harry Dean Stanton army recruiter character tells Private Benjamin that she can be “all that she can be.”
Ditto for enlisting as a caregiver.
