Psychological studies have found that writing about stressful, traumatic or emotional events, like caring for a dying person or grieving their loss, helps people more quickly recover, both psychologically and physically.
James Pennebaker, a psychology professor at the University of Texas, provides these suggestions for writing down your grief:
Find a time and place where you won?t be disturbed. Ideally, pick a time at the end of your workday or before you go to bed.
Promise yourself that you will write for a minimum of 15 minutes a day for at least 3 or 4 consecutive days.
Once you begin writing, write continuously. Don?t worry about spelling or grammar. If you run out of things to write about, just repeat what you have already written.
You can write longhand or you can type on a computer. If you are unable to write, you can also talk into a tape recorder.
You can write about the same thing on all 3-4 days of writing or you can write about something different each day. It is entirely up to you.
Whatever you chose to write about, however, it is critical that you really let go and explore your very deepest emotions and thoughts.
Poet David Whyte on losing his mother
In “Farewell Letter,” a poem from David Whyte , he writes of receiving a letter that his mother wrote to him after her death. The end of the poem reads:
I know your generous soul
is well able to let me go
you will in the end
be happy to know
by God was true
and I find myself
after loving you all so long,
in the wide,
infinite mercy
of being mothered myself.
PS All your intuitions were true.
Lew Newell on losing his sister Bette
It’s a gorgeous day. The sun is bright and warming.
A great day for my walk at South Cape Beach.
My thoughts turn to Bet as I knew the beach would do.
As I continued my walk looking for sea glass it became frustrating. Nothing!
I know what, I’ll just ask Bet and she will turn up a beautiful piece of glass.
But still nothing. ( Where are you Bet ? )
I know you are here, give me a sign. Still nothing ( Where are you Bet ? )
I couldn’t understand why there was no reply, no signal, no sign.
As I started to return I noticed two colorful sea ducks along the waters edge.
Gulls overhead floated in the breeze with grace.
The terns and plovers overhead squawked and warned me away from their nests.
The sun glimmered off the ocean, the Vineyard nearby.
Bet was everywhere around me and I finally noticed.
I no longer need to ask (Where are you Bet?)
