Posts Tagged ‘Communications’

Boo Boo’s mother-in-law’s next door neighbor’s cousin had cancer too

Monday, April 20th, 2009

When it came time to spread the news of my mother’s illness to my co-workers and friends, I wasn’t sure what to say, and how to say it, and didn’t want the spot light on me.

I shouldn’t have been concerned.  Everyone knows someone who knows someone who had cancer.  You share your news and people say, “You know, Boo Boo’s mother-in-law’s next door neighbor’s cousin who had lung cancer and went to a hospital and was wicked sick so she  got chemotherapy that made her bald,  then died, and her daughter was wicked exhausted so be careful and make sure you take care of yourself.”

This was not easy to hear. I didn’t care about Boo Boo. Still don’t. Never will.

One person listened to me — and listened hard. Then kind words of advice followed and I think of them when I sit quietly with my mother. “Ask your mother questions. Find out as much as you can about her. Ask what her life has been like.”

Everyone’s story and experience is different. Listen. Don’t talk.

Posted by Nancy Kelly

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Posted in Getting the bad news | No Comments »

There will be angry words

Monday, April 20th, 2009

stopit

My younger sister Renie, a successful, buttoned-up business professional, can juggle a zillion things at once. One Friday she called to report on Mom’s meeting with the oncologist in Boston.

“We had a good meeting with the oncologist today. He thinks radiology can shrink the brain tumors and then chemo can help with the lung cancer. The next appointment is ….”

“Stop, Renie,” I snapped. “Maybe all this treatment isn’t right. Maybe it’s going to make Mom sicker and ruin her quality of life, the one thing she wants.”

Radio silence.

Renie was angry. She had taken the day off from work and shepherded Bette through all kinds of appointments, taking notes, being there. What right did I, who wasn’t there, have to contradict her?

We icily closed the conversation, saying we’d talk later.

I felt awful. Renie’s take-charge approach felt controlling to me that day, too black-and-white, too decisive. Like she was in control and not Bette. And, of course, I’m sure I came across as the bossy older sister, always taking over, questioning others’ opinions.

I sent an email the next day apologizing about cutting her off. I thanked her for all she was doing, acknowledging how hard it is for all of us trying to find our way in helping Mom. She wrote back:

Lo,
I know you were reacting to the news – it’s OK to vent on me!
I spoke to the Oncologist this morning and will try to reach the Nurse
Practitioner this afternoon to get more insight on the chemo side
effects, etc.
R

There will be angry words. Pain and sorrow can bring out our ugly sides. Let it go. Let it go. Keep those you love close. Together you’ll be stronger. And you’re going to need all that strength in the coming weeks and months.

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Magical thinking

Monday, April 20th, 2009

Asparagus Hollandaise

Heads up: be on the lookout for how to help people by sharing the truth, and making it OK for them.

Our sensitive, kind cousin Amy sent an email to me about an asparagus treatment for cancer that she thought might help Bette feel better.

My first reaction was, “If only.”  The second was, “Amy doesn’t know how very sick Bette is, that we’re in the final lap here.”

So I sent Amy a note to tell her. She deserves to know. She wrote back that she had no idea that Mom’s illness was so far along. And that she was thankful to know.

What I learned from this is that helping people means being truthful. By letting them know that the person you all love knows the facts and is OK with dying soon – and that you hope they can be too.

***********************************************************

Several years ago, I learned of the discovery of Richard R.Vensal, D.D.S. that asparagus might cure cancer. Since then, I have worked with him on his project. We have accumulated a number of favourable case histories.

We would have other case histories but the medical establishment has interfered with our obtaining some of the records. I am therefore appealing to readers to spread this good news and help us to gather a large number of case histories that will overwhelm the medical skeptics about this unbelievably simple and natural remedy. For the treatment, asparagus should be cooked before using, and therefore canned asparagus is just as good as fresh.

* * PROCEDURE:

1) Place the cooked asparagus in a blender and liquefy to make a puree, and store in the refrigerator.

2) Give the patient 4 full tablespoons twice daily, morning and evening.

Patients usually show some improvement in from 2-4 weeks. It can be diluted with water and used as a cold or hot drink. This suggested dosage is based on present experience, but certainly larger amounts can do no harm.

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