I shouldn’t have been concerned.  Everyone knows someone who knows someone who had cancer.  You share your news and people say, “You know, Boo Boo’s mother-in-law’s next door neighbor’s cousin who had lung cancer and went to a hospital and was wicked sick so she  got chemotherapy that made her bald,  then died, and her daughter was wicked exhausted so be careful and make sure you take care of yourself.”

This was not easy to hear. I didn’t care about Boo Boo. Still don’t. Never will.

One person listened to me — and listened hard. Then kind words of advice followed and I think of them when I sit quietly with my mother. “Ask your mother questions. Find out as much as you can about her. Ask what her life has been like.”

Everyone’s story and experience is different. Listen. Don’t talk.

Posted by Nancy Kelly

Oops. If you don’t really know the medical situation, you may not want to use those four words.  Especially if the prognosis is terminal.

Bette, whose prognosis is terminal, went for blood tests one day. The medical lab was in the same building as the local senior center where she had been a volunteer, and she ran into several acquaintances.

“Oh I heard you have been sick. You will be fine.”  One, two, three people expressed these four words, trying to be reassuring, clearly not knowing how very sick Bette is.

Going back for tests another day, a woman who had been a volunteer with Bette simply said, “I want you to know how much we miss you. I always enjoyed your company.”

Nice.